So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
