I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize