I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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