Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
