I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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