Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
