I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
