I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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