I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do vagina's smell?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
