I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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