apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
