hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
