just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
