Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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