watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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