Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
