I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
