Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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