I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
