U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
