I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
