Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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