PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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