I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
