i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
