my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize