He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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