there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
