I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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