I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
