Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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