I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
