Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
