1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize