do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize