Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
