She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
