How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
