We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just puked most of my soul out..
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