i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
