tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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