I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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