Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
40s are totally the cure
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
