you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
