i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
