Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
