I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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