Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize