omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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