Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
