You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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