Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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