You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
