I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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