you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
