I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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