Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
