Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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