Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
