just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
