I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You're like the curious george of whores
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He has the fingertips of a God
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
