You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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