my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
