he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
