I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
