I feel like abortions should bother me more
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
