ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When did angry sex become our thing?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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